Why was this relationship going south? Why did I feel I was trying so hard to fix it? I found myself saying a million things in my head. Rolling my eyes when no one was looking. Crying at night because everything seemed the same no matter what I was doing. My relationship with my step son was not going how I thought it would. I wanted us to be close. I wanted us to be happy. I wanted to be able to love him like I thought a mother should. I was frustrated. No matter what strategy I tried, book I read, prayer I prayed, nothing seemed to make a difference. I would ask my friends for advice. I would try what they told me, only to find myself even more frustrated that solution #503 didn’t change how our relationship was going. I would have thoughts in my mind that I was the problem one day and the next day it was him. I would get so angry at myself for having the feelings and thoughts I would have because of the situations he got into. I would get down on myself that I wasn’t a good enough Christian because I reasoned I should just be spewing with love if I was. I knew the enemy had invaded my mind. I knew he wanted to break up this family and the bond I was trying to make. But even trying to arm myself against his schemes didn’t seem to make a change. Day after day I didn’t feel closer. Day after day I just got more frustrated. I found myself desperate to have the relationship I pictured with him despite any circumstances we would find ourselves in. I wanted so badly for this relationship to take off in a new direction.
Then, in watching a Bible study video, the lady speaking said something that spoke to me and this relationship. Through her, God said to me, Cindy you are too busy looking around at what’s going on and going wrong in this relationship. He said you’re too busy looking around to yourself and others for a solution. He spoke to me and said you can’t find a better way to go about things because you’re not looking up to the Way.
You know, I have prayed countless prayers wanting to be different in this relationship and wanting to feel different about him, but I realized, I was still not looking up to Jesus for my direction. I was praying for a miraculous zap and for it to be fixed. I didn’t seek Him out in it. I didn’t go give my feelings and cares to Him and confess those sinful thoughts to Him. I didn’t ask for Him to guide my steps in this. I kept putting myself, my thoughts on how it should go, and my solutions into the equation to find a better way.
I wanted that different direction, but I wasn’t looking at the right road map. I was relying more on my self than my God.
Is there a relationship you have that is strained because you are trying to fix it yourself? Is your relationship strained because you are too busy looking around at what’s wrong instead of looking up and noticing what all God has given you? I encourage you today that if there’s something in your life that you want to be going in a different direction that you would start looking up! Look to God and His Word and what it has to say in your situation. Look up and see that God may be trying to work some things out in you and bring you to repentance and transformation in an area. Look up and know that the direction He wants to take you in is better than any way you’ve even began to think of.
May you be blessed and encouraged.
Copyright 2017. 4Her Ministries Inc.
All Rights Reserved.